Food

I just read a post by Paula at her blog here.

She brings up a very interesting topic that I never thought about before. How food is often overlooked as an "problem area" for adoptees. She wonders if food was used as a soothing mechanism, and that it was used to show how she would never have to worry about a basic need again. It really has me thinking about it.

The earliest memory I have of my grandparents was the first time my mother let them babysit me. Growing up, my favorite food at the time was fruit. I loved all fruit, even more so than candy (I actually didn't even like candy). Well my grandparents always had a big bowl of fresh fruit on their kitchen table. When my mother came to pick me up, she found a distraught grandma and me rolling on the floor moaning and holding my stomach. The following discussion followed:

Mom: "What happened??"
Grandma: "I don't know..."
Mom: "Did you feed him anything?"
Grandma: "Yes, he wanted some fruit"
Mom: "Oh ok, that's not bad. What kind?"
Grandma: "Well, grapes, apples, pears, and oranges..."
Mom (just noticing the empty bowl): "You let him eat the WHOLE bowl of fruit??"
Sheepish Grandma: "Yes....I thought since fruit is healthy that he would just stop...."

Yes, I don't know how much I weighed, but I know I was very small for my age (5 years old) because I was malnurished prior to be adopted, and that bowl of fruit was probably about 10 lbs.

My grandpa bless his heart never had enough to eat either growing up. His father kept food from him in what we would call today abuse. As a result, he can't get up from the table without knowing exactly when and where the next meal would be. He also instilled into the grandchildren what he called "Clean Plate Winners". He was always proud of his grandchildren who had healthy appetites and would finish everything on their plates. I know he did this out of his own difficulty growing up.

Looking back, I definitely think my past history has affected the way I view food. I am a self proclaimed food-ie. I love food, and I love cooking it. However, I know that I have a long history of over eating frequently. Everytime I go to order food, I know in the back of my mind I am always making sure there will be enough food. Even to the point where I will order way too much food (enough for two people) just to be sure that I have enough.

I order a large pizza (yes for myself), and am disappointed when I leave half of it. Occasionally I get the craving for Popeye's chicken; and order a 12 piece meal which includes 2 large sides and 4 biscuits (yes again for myself only) which Im assuming the company thinks is enough for 4 people. Again, I am slightly disappointed in that there is food left over.

When I cook food, its always way too much. I have never cooked and didn't have enough food. Even to the point where I'll cook 2 packages of Ramen, even though I know I almost never eat more than 1 package. But when its time to cook, I just can't bring myself to cook just 1 package.

As Paula mentions in her blog, this is a very difficult topic. Obviously parents want to make sure their children have enough food growing up. Especially with adoptees like me who were severely malnourished. It's not that I was abused, but there just wasn't much in terms of nutrition in the orphanage I was at. At the time, orphanages in Korea received very little/if any government funding and was mostly privately funded. One of the few things I can sort of remember from that time was eating rice and kimchi, besides that I can't remember eating anything else. For those of you who don't know, kimchi is fermented cabbage that is very popular in Korea (even though these two dishes are at almost every meal, there is always other dishes).

Who knows if my over-eating and the way I view food is due to my past or just psychological. It is definitely something to think about. Im glad Paula wrote about this, because this is yet another area that I will have to think through.

Chicken Or Egg?

The age old question: "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Background:
Like I mentioned in my previous post, Diane (Author of the blog: An-Ya) recently asked me to comment on her blog. So I did, and the topic for some reason just resonated in my soul....it just hit that right nerve. Anyways, I commented on her blog and I also commented on the blogs that were referenced in her blog. You know that feeling when you do something and as your doing it, you have a weird feeling that you might regret it? Yea...its usually best to listen to those feelings....LOL. Im still an amateur and I still like a good debate!

Unbeknown to me, the blogs that I left comments on were filled with adoptive parents that strike deep fears of feelings of: "head beating on the wall/desk", "talking to a brick wall", and "reminders of elementary school where the best logical argument you could make was 'Oh yea...well your stupid.'", into the hearts of a lot of adoptee bloggers. (note, not all, and not necessarily all adoptees...I have to put this legalize in here, because one of these people who cause these feelings of angst Im sure will misquote it out of context somewhere if I don't have a discalimer). It didn't take long before I received my first ever being labeled as the "Angry Adoptee"...DUN DUN DUNNNNN......

Back to the Chicken and Egg:
So all of these events made me ponder what I was going to write about first, then I was struck with the "light of genius"!.

I would like to put my own twist to this age old question to be used in my scenario:

"What came first? The "Angry Adoptee" or the "Self-Conscious, Over-Emotional, non-logical, take things too personally, name calling/labeling AP" (or some combination thereof)?

I think this is a much easier question to answer than the chicken or egg question.

The "Angry Adoptee" is an adoptee who write blogs or comments that dare to publish that life is not all "peaches and cream" for adoptees. I was never in this crowd before until this week. Like I mentioned above, Diane helped me attain this lofty mark for the first time!

The "Self-Conscious, Over-Emotional, non-logical, take things too personally, name calling/labeling AP" (or some combination thereof)" is an adoptive parent who is blogging on the internet claiming to want honest, safe, discussions about adoptions, but then releases the "wraths of hell" upon anyone who might disagree with them. I can't be part of this crowd because I am not an AP.

AND THE WINNER IS!!!!
The "Angry Adoptee" label has been around much longer than any label for APs. This should not surprise anyone who is familiar with the adoption blog world. The term "Angy Adoptee" has become universal and is frequently used to try to discredit an adoptee's comments or blog.

Sadly, the race isn't even close. In my short, but full imersive blog experience, I have yet to come across any label that has the frequency of use as "Angry Adoptee". The simple fact of the matter is, most of these heated discussions I have seen and been part of, the adoptee bloggers tend to try to make logical arguments and refrain from labels while I have seen way too many times to even count someone throwing out the "Angry Adoptee" label and actually use it to discredit a post or comment.

Conclusion:

Sadly, labels exist and they are used frequently. Sadly ones such as "Angry Adoptee" are used by the ignorant when they can not form a logical argument in response in a heated debate. Sadly, those that use this tactic are usually the ones who need to read the discussion the most. I have heard this label in conjuction with rhetoric that suggests that "Angry Adoptees" are a small faction of "squeeky wheel" adoptees and that the "normal adoptees" don't blog or comment. I am still confused as to why or how this is grounds for dismissing the comments of people?

If you really think about it, the adoptee blogger who is active in commenting on adoption blogs really has nothing to gain, yet they have so much to offer in terms of sharing with AP's who are trying to do their best. I imagine to the AP's who see these insights and comments for exactly what they are; personal experiences and opinions; are able to gain more insight and understanding of what their children might or might not be experiencing.

The next time an adoptee posts a comment that is absolutely different opinion than yours, instead of labeling them an "Angry Adoptee" and dismissing them, maybe you should read their comments and realize and understand that yes, there is at least 1 adoptee who feels or thinks this way. This can lead to much more productive and useful discussions where more information can be shared.

(Im sorry if its not totally coherent, its really late now, and I realize I need to be sleeping. I'll edit this in a day or two!)

Out of "Retirement"

If you really like my blog you can thank Diane for this...

If you really hate my blog, you can thank Diane for that! LOL

Diane recently asked me to come out of retirement to comment on a new article of hers.....it was a ambush I think. Anyways, it has got me all fired up, and I'm ready to get back on this.

I don't even know if anyone even follows my blog anymore, but I'll keep writing, and maybe it'll make a difference to someone some day.