The age old question: "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"
Like I mentioned in my previous post, Diane (Author of the blog: An-Ya) recently asked me to comment on her blog. So I did, and the topic for some reason just resonated in my soul....it just hit that right nerve. Anyways, I commented on her blog and I also commented on the blogs that were referenced in her blog. You know that feeling when you do something and as your doing it, you have a weird feeling that you might regret it? Yea...its usually best to listen to those feelings....LOL. Im still an amateur and I still like a good debate!
Unbeknown to me, the blogs that I left comments on were filled with adoptive parents that strike deep fears of feelings of: "head beating on the wall/desk", "talking to a brick wall", and "reminders of elementary school where the best logical argument you could make was 'Oh yea...well your stupid.'", into the hearts of a lot of adoptee bloggers. (note, not all, and not necessarily all adoptees...I have to put this legalize in here, because one of these people who cause these feelings of angst Im sure will misquote it out of context somewhere if I don't have a discalimer). It didn't take long before I received my first ever being labeled as the "Angry Adoptee"...DUN DUN DUNNNNN......
Back to the Chicken and Egg:
So all of these events made me ponder what I was going to write about first, then I was struck with the "light of genius"!.
I would like to put my own twist to this age old question to be used in my scenario:
"What came first? The "Angry Adoptee" or the "Self-Conscious, Over-Emotional, non-logical, take things too personally, name calling/labeling AP" (or some combination thereof)?
I think this is a much easier question to answer than the chicken or egg question.
The "Angry Adoptee" is an adoptee who write blogs or comments that dare to publish that life is not all "peaches and cream" for adoptees. I was never in this crowd before until this week. Like I mentioned above, Diane helped me attain this lofty mark for the first time!
The "Self-Conscious, Over-Emotional, non-logical, take things too personally, name calling/labeling AP" (or some combination thereof)" is an adoptive parent who is blogging on the internet claiming to want honest, safe, discussions about adoptions, but then releases the "wraths of hell" upon anyone who might disagree with them. I can't be part of this crowd because I am not an AP.
AND THE WINNER IS!!!!
The "Angry Adoptee" label has been around much longer than any label for APs. This should not surprise anyone who is familiar with the adoption blog world. The term "Angy Adoptee" has become universal and is frequently used to try to discredit an adoptee's comments or blog.
Sadly, the race isn't even close. In my short, but full imersive blog experience, I have yet to come across any label that has the frequency of use as "Angry Adoptee". The simple fact of the matter is, most of these heated discussions I have seen and been part of, the adoptee bloggers tend to try to make logical arguments and refrain from labels while I have seen way too many times to even count someone throwing out the "Angry Adoptee" label and actually use it to discredit a post or comment.
Sadly, labels exist and they are used frequently. Sadly ones such as "Angry Adoptee" are used by the ignorant when they can not form a logical argument in response in a heated debate. Sadly, those that use this tactic are usually the ones who need to read the discussion the most. I have heard this label in conjuction with rhetoric that suggests that "Angry Adoptees" are a small faction of "squeeky wheel" adoptees and that the "normal adoptees" don't blog or comment. I am still confused as to why or how this is grounds for dismissing the comments of people?
If you really think about it, the adoptee blogger who is active in commenting on adoption blogs really has nothing to gain, yet they have so much to offer in terms of sharing with AP's who are trying to do their best. I imagine to the AP's who see these insights and comments for exactly what they are; personal experiences and opinions; are able to gain more insight and understanding of what their children might or might not be experiencing.
The next time an adoptee posts a comment that is absolutely different opinion than yours, instead of labeling them an "Angry Adoptee" and dismissing them, maybe you should read their comments and realize and understand that yes, there is at least 1 adoptee who feels or thinks this way. This can lead to much more productive and useful discussions where more information can be shared.
(Im sorry if its not totally coherent, its really late now, and I realize I need to be sleeping. I'll edit this in a day or two!)
Galbi Jjim (Korean Braised Short Ribs)
4 days ago