I was reading yet another blog about adoption. This one in particular I believe had undertones of being "Anti-adoption". Im not sure what tipped me off, except I did find this list of 15 reason (I don't think I was included in this "proven" research...lol):
While this list of 15 gives reasons why not to give up a child for adoption, it does not provide any alternatives. If a mother decides she can not take care of a child, if adoption should not be an option, then what options does she have? If you have any ideas please let me know!
If you surrender your baby to adoption, you will be condemning him or her to suffer these proven harmful effects:
1. The severe trauma of being separated from you will radiate throughout every aspect of your baby's life. Your baby will experience your loss as the psychological death of his mother. There will never be closure.
2. Your baby will know the difference between you and his female adopter because he has bonded with you during your pregnancy. He knows your scent and your heartbeat. He seaches for the smell of your milk - not hers.
3. Your baby will feel abandoned by you, often resulting in a lifelong inability to trust anyone.
4. Your baby will always wonder why you didn't keep him and will blame himself for not being lovable enough to keep - a todder's realization that they were adopted. Many adult adopted people find they still carry this feeling inside - and it influences adult relationships.
5. As your baby grows up, your child may feel like a misfit and will suffer from low self esteem.
6. Your child may think about you constantly. This may cause your child to have difficulty concentrating on his schoolwork. Your child will be labeled a "dreamer" and a "bad student," further harming his chances for success in life.
7. Your child's adopters may not understand his lack of concentration and he could easily be misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). If misdiagnosed, they will force your child to take drugs that he doesn't need.
8. Your child will lose his true identity while his adopters try to force him to be like them.
9. Your child will have no sense of his past which will make it difficult for him to envision his future.
10. Your child may suppress his true feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in order to survive the tragedy of his separation from you compounded by his adoption.
11. As your child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage.
12. As your child becomes an adult he may have difficulty choosing a career and a mate due to his fear of commitment and abandonment.
13. Your child's adopters will probably not acknowledge that raising an adopted child is different from raising a child of their own. They will further burden him by telling him that he should forget about you and be grateful that they adopted him and gave him a home because you did not.
14. Nothing anyone does or says can ever make up for the loss of your child's first family!
15. You will never be able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse effects of adoption on your child!
Here is my response to the above list of 15:
1. Psychological death? I never even knew such a thing even existed. Does a baby even understand the meaning of death? My birth mother is either physically alive or dead. I guess if I ever decide to search for my birth mother and I find her, that will bring closure to this "psychological death?"
2. I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure if my birth mother walked by me on a street, I would not be able to "sniff" her out. Its been 25+ years, I'm pretty sure I can't remember if my birth mother wore Chanel 5.... However I do know my mother does like to wear Baby Soft perfume. And to think about searching and drinking any mother's milk at the age of 28...ew.
3. Abandonment issues. I would think an adoptee who was a baby would have a lot less "issue" with this than someone like myself who was adopted near the age of 5?
4. Pfft...I've seen pictures of myself when I was younger. I was cute and lovable! I didn't have much of a "break through" in my realization that I was adopted. The fact that I'm Korean and my parents are white, kind of made that pretty easy to figure out...lol. However, your baby may use this as a crutch or an excuse..yes, that is a sad fact of life, some people will try to use any misfortunes in their lives as an excuse...
5. What kid does not feel like a misfit at some point in their lives?
6. Again, another case of using a misfortune as a crutch. Do you think adoptees are the only ones with problems? How about the kid next to you who is being physically abused at home?
7. Isn't every kid in the US mis-diagnosed with ADD? This is not exclusive to adopted children. This statement is true too: "If you keep your kid he could easily be misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). If misdiagnosed, they will force your child to take drugs that he doesn't need."
8. What is identity? Why do people misinterpret "identity" with heritage or ancestry? They are different. According to the dictionary identity is: "the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another". So whether you grow up with your birth parents or adoptive parents, it should have no bearing one's identity, because one's identity is their own, and not passed down in a bloodline.
9. What about someone's parents effects your future? If this statement is true, an adopted child is probably better off. Think about the scenarios in which a birth mother would give up a child (ie. economics, wedlock, social pressures) versus the scenarios of adoptive parents. The adoptive parents situation would almost always be considered "better" so your child would have a better vision for the future because they were raised in a "better" situation.
10. At least this argument separates the difference between being orphaned and being adopted. However, I still have yet to hear why adoption is negative. So I don't know how adoption compounds this issue?
11. I personally establish my sense of self based on what I have accomplished and my future plans, not on my history. I don't believe my family's history should impact my sense of self because then it would not be a "self" it would be a sense of "family"...lol
12. Honestly, who doesn't have a hard time picking a career. Also, who isn't afraid of getting hurt in the game of love?
13. Nope. My parents always reminded me that I was adopted. They were very open about it. Again, kind of hard to "hide" it when I am Korean and they are white. However, they were always very open about the subject and they were always willing to help me explore my adoption if I ever wanted too. My parents were grateful that they were able to adopt me, they never once in my life ever expected me or told me that I should be grateful that they adopted me. However, I personally do feel a great sense of gratefulness to them. Which maybe why I defend adoption and ad
14. What a joke! Just because someone shares DNA with you does not make them your family. It does make them a good donor in the future, should you ever need one. However, it does not guarantee a emotional bond you share with your family that you develop over time. Otherwise, how do you explain being closer or having more emotional attachment to some family members and not others. If this statement were true then everyone should have the same "strength" of bond between all of their family members. We all know this is not true, there is always the odd uncle/aunt/cousin that we just don't get along with.
15. Of course not! You'd be a millionaire if you could change the past! However, you can make a huge difference on your baby!
Abortion may seem like an easy answer, but it is only available pre-birth. I was abandoned around 3 years of age, so if my mother had followed that "route" it would have been called first degree murder (luckily, my mother choose the adoption route). Ironcially Roe vs. Wade, society, and medicine, will always try to de-humanize an unborn child by calling it a fetus. However, how many expecting parents do you hear call the first ultrasound image of the pregnancy a fetus? How many pregnant mothers have you heard say "Oh the fetus kicked!", or people ask "What are you going to call the fetus?". I wonder how many Pro-Choice supporters find themselves calling the unborn child a "baby"! Shocking! I bet after the first ultrasound, the vast majority of the Pro-Choice contingency would call the unborn child a Baby and not a fetus. Now ask yourself how many Pro-Lifers would call their unborn child a fetus? I bet almost none...lol
Yet another thing that anti-adoption supporters seem to over look is the options a parent has when orphaning a child. You have to imagine the parents are in the worst imaginable situation, or believe that they are, to consider giving up a child. Do you really think its best for that child emotionally and physically to force those parents to keep the child? This scenario just sounds like a bad mixture for abuse and even worse psychological damage for a child...
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