Obviously I don't feel like I belong strictly into any one of the previous categories. Yes, sometimes its frustrating and sometimes its sad. However, I guess I need to learn to focus on the positive side.
Even with all this turmoil inside of me, I know getting adopted is the best thing that ever happened to me. Id much rather face this problem than the huge problems that I would have probably had to face had I never been adopted. To think about it, this problem probably pales in comparison, but it is a real problem that I struggle with, so its important to me.
I love Korea, korean culture, language, and people. I really desparately want to live in Korea someday. This will let me experience all of this for an extended period of time. I want to own a Korean apartment, drive a Korean car, speak Korean fluently, and go out with a bunch of Korean friends speaking only Korean! (maybe even have a Korean girlfriend! If Im not married by this point...lol)
But, I can't forget the country and people that have taken me in, no matter if I "stick out". They have given me what so many Koreans would be jealous of. I can speak English fluently, graduated from a good US college, and have an excellent US job. I am thankful for all of this and I am sure I would miss other not-so-obvious things if I ever lived outside of the US for an extended period of time.
In conclusion, I guess its not so bad. I guess I get to pick the best of both worlds. I just need to learn Korean (which I promise myself I will start doing! aza aza fighting!). I dont have to do the military service in Korea, nor do I have the pressures like the Korean kids do for school and getting married. I guess I have more pressure from the American part, being that I grew up in America. While sometimes I wish I was just a normal Korean or normal American its not always bad being a hybrid. Even with this realization, I dont think I will not have this topic creep up in my mind, I think it will always be there. I think its human nature to want to know about our origins. I will always wonder what it would have been growing up in Korea. Or growing up in America as a non-adopted American.
Spicy Bellflower Root Salad (Doraji Muchim)
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